The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
