i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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