Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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