Hey man sorry I got all grabby
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
