I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
