I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
