ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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