hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
