I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
