I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
