I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
