I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
