Cold hands, warm shart.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
