I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
