she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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