I puked a lego.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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