Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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