i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize