Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
