so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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