how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
