I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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