just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
