We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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