stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
