He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
