And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
