i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
