Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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