I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
