I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
