does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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