I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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