I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
