Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
