I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
