i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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