I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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