just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
