Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
