dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
