I'm drive I can fine osifer
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
porn star boner night. come get it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
