he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
