is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
