Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
