But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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