At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
