He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
