all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
