sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
