i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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