that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
