Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
