Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
