I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
