well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
