so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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