I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
