DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize