White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
