I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
