Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
