Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
