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• (248): View more from Michigan

  My new storm is the chrons

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.

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• (+36): View more from

  until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that would solve a million problems

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.

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