i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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